On Playground Politics...

Why do I dread walking to school in the mornings and evenings? I'm nearly 40 and fear going to school. I don't work there. I'm not related to anyone there. It should be straight forward - walk the children to the playground, watch them go in, go home. So why do I try my utmost to avoid bumping into certain people?

If I see certain Mum's walk past the house on their way to school, I'll wait and follow at a safe distance. If I misjudge it and leave in front of them, I'll march to school so they can't catch up. I've even been known to cross the road when I don't actually need to so I can hide from them. What sane reasoning do I have behind this irrational behaviour?

These Mum's are extremely overprotective of their little boys. And it is only the boy's Mums'. I get on fine with the Mum's of girls. But these boys seem to be wrapped in cotton wool by their parents and when another child "does something" or "says something" to their precious little one, then World War Three starts on the parents. Yet their son never harms anyone or says anything to anyone. He's perfect...

Well that's what they think. I'm not saying that my son is an angel because he's not. He knows right from wrong, but is easily distracted and has a memory smaller than a goldfish. He probably has called other children names in the playground. What boy hasn't thought that "poo poo face" was funny? What playground games don't involve chasing when you are a 6 year old boy? Are these things wrong? Is it something I can deal with when I'm at home or shopping and he's in the school playground?

So why should my son get a punch in the face and I get an earful from a parent because my son called hers a "poo poo face"? I made him apologise to the boy and thought that was it. The other boy refused to apologise. The next day less people are saying hello to me, or so it seems. Paranoia? Maybe.
I then get the "sticky beak of the playground" catch me in the street and tell me that "...she said to her who said to her... that my son did..." Do I need to know fourth hand gossip? If there is something going on with my son that I need to know I expect and hope the school will tell me, not the local parental snitch. She then accused my son of making her son not want to go to school? What is it to do with me if her son is too precious to deal with playground antics, or is a typical boy who doesn't want to go to school? Toughen up. You can't be the nice guy all the time as a parent.

Next thing I hear is that my son has been pushed over and kicked a few times by relatives of the boy who punched him. Nice. This has happened twice now and the boys have confessed to doing it. They had no choice really as they were seen. They got into trouble and that is now my fault too. We seem to have a Mafia style clan at the school. Most of the children involved are cousins. The extra ones are either Rent-a-thug or the playground gossips kids in for the action.

Am I being silly not wanting to come into contact with these Mum's? Or do I just not want any hassle on a 5 minute walk to and from school? Just so long as I'm not being attacked on Facebook like another Mum I heard about I guess that's fine with me. I'm not on Facebook, so guess I'll never know. Probably best I don't.

Have these people got nothing better to do than stand around spreading idle gossip and unfounded rumours about other people and their children? Why don't they teach their kids about how to live life properly and what is expected of them instead of bitching to other Mum's.
And we wonder where our morals and good citizenship in society have gone.


DOC

On making friends 2...

Oh no. You are 18 and leave school. Some of your friends go to university in a remote part of the country. Some go off to work. As decisive as ever, I head off to college in London and stay living at home. But what does this mean. Yet again I have no friends with me. I have to start all over again.

As I travel to London on the train on the first day, panic sets in. Where am I going? Who will be there? What will they be like? I arrive at the college and find my way to a room filled with lots of new faces to take in. They're all chatting away as if they have known each other for years. Maybe they have. I find a seat. A group of girls start talking to me immediately. Was I comfortable with this? Probably not. I wasn't ready for that kind of interaction. As a lecturer comes in, the room settles as he explains what the day entails.After a very long hour, I head off to pay my grant to the admin team. I am alone again. Lost in a sea of unusual people and strange surroundings.

It is lunchtime and the group of girls from earlier are heading out to explore Leicester Square and what it has to offer. I tag along, feeling uneasy and an outsider. They are all chatting about where they come from and what they want to do. I answer direct questions and listen. That's what I'm good at. I watch people and listen to things around me.

The afternoon brings more of the same. Finding out timetables and where rooms are. Now this I can handle. Sitting in silence and listening. However, my life will change again during this afternoon. My course has been changed and I'm now only doing part of what I want to do. Part has been cut. What do I do? I make a quick exit after we finish to avoid having to talk to the others. I make my way home pondering my options.

Decision made. The next day I go back to college and quit. Was it the easy option? Was it just the change in course that made me give up my college opportunity? Or was it just too daunting to make new friends again? I start looking for work. I had worked in Woolworths at weekends for nearly 4 years and got extra shifts to get myself money. But I needed full time work. This meant applications, interviews, meeting new people and interacting with them.

I hadn't changed since school. Making friends hadn't got easier over those few years. How long will it take until this simple process becomes second nature? Should I have a label? Would I feature somewhere on the autistic spectrum if tested now or back then? Would it have helped me? Who knows?

BASHFUL 

On Parking Permits 2...

After being rejected for her disabled badge at the renewal this January, Mum took the decision to appeal. She decided she had nothing to lose. Another visit to the council department and another assessment later and she has been granted her badge back.

How can someone's ability to continue with their normal day to day life be in the hands of a variety of people? Some saying yes and others saying no. Where is the consistency in the decision making? Who allows people who do physical jobs like loft conversions and carpet cleaning to have disabled badges? Yet people who are unable to walk properly and never ask for benefits or assistance from the council, have to fight so hard to continue to do their weekly shop on their own. Would the council rather pay for a carer to help with the shopping and take her to appointments? They probably would grant this even though they are supposed to be saving money. Are cases looked at as pieces of paper or actual people? It does make you wonder sometimes.

Should it really be so hard for people to keep their independence and dignity? So in 7 weeks time her new badge will be ready!!!


HAPPY

On family members...

So we all have families. We all have extended families. Whether we like them or not is personal preference. And whether we like other peoples really doesn't matter. What does matter is that we care about each and every member of our family in some way or another.

People treat pets as members of the family too. And so they should. They should be loved and looked after as if they were born to you. Personally I wouldn't have furry pets. I'm not an animal lover, but I wouldn't wish harm on any either. 

There are however some people who, I feel, need parenting lessons when it comes to animal care. 
Would you let your baby poo on the pavement outside someone's house and then proceed to walk away without clearing it up? I would hope not. But there are some who feel it is acceptable to do this with another member of the family, the pet pooch.

I thought dog's were members of the family and so treated with the same care and respect as any other sibling. 
Do I really need to play "dodge the poo" on the way to school? I've counted at least 6 different mess piles in the space of 20 houses to the end of my road. Telling the children to "mind the poo" every few steps is not a fun walk to school. 
If only I knew who the perpetrators of this disgusting act were. I would personally collect up the poo left behind by their incorrigible act of negligence and leave it outside their house on the pavement.

Take a moment to think of the poor council workers who have to come and clear up the offending matter. Why should they have to? We could save money on our council tax by not employing people to do this. Oh, I forgot, it seems my council doesn't anyway, as some of the piles of mess have been there for weeks turning whiter and flakier by the day.

Do people not care about their surroundings anymore? Do they care so little about their neighbours that they are happy for a member of their family to leave faeces outside their house? Come on. You know who you are. Show some consideration, as most dog owners do, for other people and their noses. Take a pride in your surroundings and respect for those who clear up after you.

SNEEZY

On making friends...

It's 30 years ago. You are at school. You have trouble making friends. You get lonely. You live with it. You get on with your life in your own special way. People pick on you because you are "different"; you are an easy target.
What did anyone do about it? Absolutely nothing. You remained a shy person, not mixing well with new people.
What happens today? Tests are done. You are observed. Your parents worry that you might have x, y or z. Where did the shyness come from? Is it hereditary?


In my case I found making friends one of the hardest things to do. I was far happier with my head in a book or playing on my Atari games console/BBC B/Atari ST/PC as I grew up. Did I want to make friends? No, not really.
I had a couple of very close friends at primary school. I was happy and enjoyed school. I did well and moved onto Grammar School - without my close friends.
Does making new friends get harder as you get older? I say it does. Nearly 20 people from my primary school went with me to secondary school, but none of them were my close friends. They split us amongst the 6 new classes so that we didn't stick together as a group. It was supposed to help us make new friends. Did this help me? No way. By now I am scared. I am slow to get into the new classroom on the first day and find the other 2 girls from primary school had sat together, and I don't blame them. You would think that a Grammar School would be full of like minded individuals who were there for the study and not to become bitches of the century. It seems I was wrong there.

I went through the first 3 years of senior school without a true friend. I was always the third member of a group. And whoever said "three's a crowd" was so damn right. It just doesn't work. In each year I was in a different three. The other two would meet up after school and at weekends and I wouldn't get invited. Why? Was I that freaky? I was called names and laughed at.
Why is it all the bitches are good at sport? I was hopeless at sport and so ridiculed constantly. I was last to be picked for teams. This to me was some form of psychological bullying. They were saying to me that I was useless and they were never going to be friends with me. So there I was guaranteed to be excluded from the "it crowd" for the rest of my school days. Being good at maths or chemistry just wasn't cool.

It was only when we moved into the fourth year - current year 10 - that I finally fell into a friendship that has lasted 25 years and is still going strong. She had been through the same sorts of things at senior school and always been on the outside of a group. She had been persecuted and called names that you would think 14 year olds knew nothing about back then.

I know this is part of growing up, but are children allowed the same naivety that we were 30 years ago? Would it have helped either of us to have been called "autistic" or have "aspergers syndrome"? Probably not.
Does it help now? As a parent, it answers questions, but does it really benefit the child. I hope so. Will it help them make new friends? I doubt it.


BASHFUL

On parking permits...

Why is it that the law abiding public get punished and the criminals, scroungers and layabouts get everything on a plate?
My Mum has just had her disabled badge application declined. She paid her renewal fee, went for her assessment and got refused. So it seems having three hip replacements and a bout of pneumonia, walking with a stick forever more, not being able to put your own shoes and socks on and off, being unable to reach the ground or twist, walking no more than 5 minutes without needing a rest and being only able to drive an automatic car doesn't seem to be enough to warrant being allowed a parking space nearer the doors of the supermarket with more room to manoeuvre in and out of the car.

So how is it that someone who builds loft extensions for a living, climbing on scaffolding and up ladders day in day out, can display a disabled badge in his pick up truck whilst he is on a roof to allow him to park in a residents only bay?
And why does it entitle the Mum and Dad who are perfectly fit and healthy at the local school to park their car or work van on the double yellow lines and run their children across the road into the school gates every morning and leave their vehicle in residents bays when at school meetings or performances while the rest find legitimate parking spaces in other roads?

I'm puzzled that someone who has worked their entire life paying taxes into this country and never claimed any benefits of any description can be declined a little something that would make their life that little bit easier when doing the shopping. Yet there are people out there who have claimed everything they can and then are given these privileges no questions asked. All they seem to suffer from is lazyitus or sticky bed syndrome.

How does this encourage anyone to do the right thing? Are we not supposed to set an example to our children? Should we be teaching our future generations that you can have what you want if you lie and deceive at every opportunity? If we don't are they going to get left behind and forgotten about? Left to rot in the gutter whilst the good poker players win.

Is anyone going to stand up for good citizenship and honesty before it's too late?

GRUMPY