WARNING: this paint will cause domestic grief.

Accidents always happen, especially when there are tools around, furniture moved to other rooms, and paint pots to fall over. Add 2 kids and a clumsy husband into the equation and a recipe for disaster is imminent. Although it's not just the physical pains that can be incurred whilst a room is having a transformation.

5 days to take off from work by the end of the month so he decides he is going to decorate a bedroom. My heart sinks. Yet excitement sets in too. Not a good combination. I don't know what mood I'm in from one moment to the next. I can picture the grumpy act from him for a week, the up til all hours trying to "get the extra coat of paint on". The demands for a cup of tea every hour.

I have given up offering to help. "I don't paint the right way"; "my eyesight means I don't do a good job"; "you can't reach it all"... Hence I stay out of the way and very quiet.

This time I have father-in-law in tow for a few days. By the time he had been there an hour on day one he had already thrown out things I had promised to other people, tried to convince us that wallpaper is old hat and our son won't mind if we don't use the paper he had chosen for one wall and just paint it the same as the rest.
I'm told off because our son has left half a dozen posters on the wall when he went to school and they are too busy to remove them.
I go shopping. When I get back, 3 hours later, they are still at the dump and B & Q. Eventually they return saying they couldn't get the correct colour paint that had been chosen so they got the nearest to it. And my eyesight is bad. Instead of a grey/blue it was a powder blue that you would put in a nursery. He's 10. So off I trot to the nearest B&Q and pick up 2 tins of the exact paint wanted. How is this so difficult?

My friend knows now that she needs to have a clear phone ready for the frantic calls from me after each argument about the decorating. Relate must do a roaring trade while couples are decorating. Paint tins should have NHS health warnings on them. Not just the toxic fumes that linger for days after painting, but for the domestic grief caused by a drip of paint in the wrong place, the stress caused by hubby moaning about his eczema, how much money it is costing, he's tired, then dinner is at the wrong time, the kids are in the way... need I go on.

3 days to go and lets see what counselling, NHS, and CPS services are required by the time its done. Probably safest to go out and then I won't be in need of any of these.